Raleigh, NC | Big Changes for a Big Summer
At the end of last summer, I remember being so worn out, so burnt out, so frustrated and so angry. I felt like I not only wasted the summer with my boys, but also I was just a guilt ridden- angry mom. I would never get that summer back. I would never get a do over. It was gone. I was devastated. As I’ve been anxiously awaiting (read: dreading) the start of this summer, the thought of repeating last summer has pushed me to make some big changes in our family structure. As I've been dreaming and implementing, I thought- “Hey this might be super helpful for other moms…” So here we are- Here are some big changes we are making this summer, our summer tenants, on the tails of a horrible summer, to not just survive, but to THRIVE!
01.
Starting with Prayer: When my eyes open, I start praying. It’s a quick, but impactful change. I say a quick prayer- nothing long, nothing intricate, nothing complicated. Simply something like: “Lord, I pray this day will be fruitful. I ask for energy, patience, & wisdom. I ask for listening ears (for everyone) and hearts that are willing to obey. I pray that you will give me the strength to show the boys your love & compassion, how you care for them, and have grace towards them.” Sometimes it changes based on what is going on that day or struggles we have been facing. Turning my eyes upward before I begin my day has changed the posture of my heart and ultimately my outlook on the day itself. When that’s changed, the whole day changes!
Creating a Schedule with SPACE: Whenever I’ve seen parents on social media make a schedule, it always looks so neat, timely, orderly, etc. Well hello…that’s just not our life! We don’t have a “typical” work week, as both mine & Lucas’ jobs have random hours, events, days off, etc. So our weeks never look the same & while the thought of having a structured schedule seems so appealing, it honestly just always stressed me out a little. I was talking to a friend the other morning and she was explaining how to structure a class I’m teaching to 4&5 yr olds at the end of the summer & she mentioned “space.” Immediate epiphany! She went on to explain that kids need space. Space in the schedule to explore, be, & create. If there is no space in the schedule, they have no space to GROW! OF COURSE!!
02.
So I created a white board with 8 blocks- one for each day of the week and then an “everyday” block. The boys and I went to canva and created pictures of things we love to do: pool, board games, playdoh, baking, outside play, lake, card games, crafts, science experiments, etc. Oh and also…every day, age appropriate chores. Everything is open ended and removable. '“Crafts” can be: coloring, creating an airplane out of the amazon box that came earlier, flower pressing my bouquet that’s dying from Mother’s day, or a kit I found 50% off at Michaels. The schedule just says “crafts” which gives us the space to be creative and give authority to the boys to help choose what they want to do vs. what I want them to have fun doing. It’s not the most aesthetic, it’s hanging right in the center of our home- which throws off my vibe a little. BUT it works and the boys look at it every day, multiple times a day- so I’m naming it a win!
03.
Mandating Rest: This is an ongoing battle in our house. None of us are resters. We are go go-goers until our bodies stop and we blow-upers. We’re all bad at saying “no” and realizing what our bodies need. So the concept of needing rest is so appealing and so challenging. But I’m up for a challenge! My plan for rest is to use the space that we have in our schedule to intentionally allow for downtime, movie nights, naps, and really digging into what we know in our brain that our bodies need. Implementing some “sabbath” practices like, preparing ahead of time, truly taking the day off & finding what brings our bodies rest. Nancy Ray has some amazing podcasts on how her family practices sabbath- take a listen! You’ll have to see in real time how our family implements this, because while I know it’s a tenant of our summer, I am just not sure how we will need to adjust to make it happen!
Inviting everyone into daily tasks: Sometimes the chaos of “little helpers” just downright frustrates me. But I’ve learned, it’s usually frustrating when I have somewhere to be or something to do next: when time constrains. With the ability to slow down in the summer, I feel more margin to allow for the chaos. I’m hoping, as I have the margin to have slower (read: messier) helpers, they will learn the tasks at hand, so when the summer (and margin) ends, we’ll all be in a better place with accepting and giving help. Our daily tasks definitely include the everyday housework: helping with laundry, dishwasher, picking up after meals, etc. But I also want to invite them into other aspects of my work: the baking, the egg cracking, the dinner prep, the activity planning. It’s those things, that fuel my creativity, that I want to share with my boys, so they not only grow in responsibility, but grow in creativity.
04.
05.
Removing distractions: Save the biggest and hardest for last? Ok here’s the deal. I love social media. I love it for work, I love it personally. I love being connected and seeing other’s lives. It fuels my creative juices & pushes me to expand, let in & dream. I know that’s not the case for everyone, but it is for me. BUT! There is obviously a fine line between scrolling for work, inspiration, & connecting and scrolling for regulation, joy, & numb-brain turning off-ness. I recently read somewhere that it’s telling where your heart is by the first thing you reach for- and for me personally, I never want that to be my phone. I never want that modeled for my boys either. So when they started pretending to scroll on their “phones” or asked for a phone so they could have instagram or when Lucas asked me to be more present after bedtime, I knew I needed some major limit adjustments.
Removing distractions became my 5th tenant of the summer. I didn’t delete social media, but I did remove it from my homescreen. Meaning, I have to search for it before I can open the app. This has helped me greatly, because in that millisecond of searching, my brain says “is this really how you want to spend your time?” If the answer is “no”, I put my phone down. If the answer is “yes” I check on my favorite accounts, look at DMs and maybe post a few stories. Time limits are set & I’m hoping it continues to help my heart realize that while distractions can be good, they can also become harmful- let’s keep it in the realm of good vs. harmful- for my sake & my family’s.
My hope with sharing this is not to make you feel guilty, not to have you take my tenants and make them yours, but to use my ideas as a spring board. Maybe your family’s days and time look different than your neighbor, that other preschool family, or the influencer your following on social media & maybe that’s hard for you, putting you in an overwhelmed state- like it was for me. But here’s the thing, what they are sharing, what I’m sharing, is just some ways that this helps MY family. Use my ideas in any compacity that it serves you. Whether that’s exactly how I do it, or nothing like it. But my hope for sharing this is that you thrive this summer. That you never become the worn out, burnt out, frustrated, angry mom. That your summer is fruitful for your motherhood and your children’s childhood. Take what you need, leave the rest ❤️
